Before we went our separate ways for our solo time, and as we were learning about different rituals which could help to deepen our quest experience, one fellow quester shared a ritual that he thought was useful. The idea resonated with me, and that was one of the first things I did on my second day of solo time.
A wash (kind of like a dry creek bed) bordered my solo area. In the wash, I placed a stick every five feet until I had enough five-foot-long sections to represent each of the five years of my life (let's see now, if I'm getting close to 100 years old, I need almost 20 sticks...) ;-)
I sat next to the area that represented the first five years of my life, and I visited with it, remembering stories I had heard about my birth. (I was born with black hair and since there is no black hair in our family, my mom thought she was given the wrong baby. It took a few months before I became a blondie.) As I sat on the dirt in the wash, I conversed with my parents about what it was like to have their first child, about my dad's work, and about the appearance of my baby brother who cried incessantly, due to colic or something painful with his stomach.
After I felt complete with that era of my life, I moved on to ages five through ten. On and on I went, listening to the stories of my life, trying to connect with my experiences and the experiences my parents were having at the time.
And when I was done, I realized just how self-absorbed I had been for much of my life. I knew very little about what my parents were doing, feeling, and thinking through many of my years. That was profound for me, and I knew that not only could I not go back and do things differently, but with my dad's dementia now, I wouldn't be able to ask him about his life.
The realization wasn't a catalyst for beating myself up, but a piece of the mosaic of my life.
I sat with that a while, then gratitude for my parents and for all that they did for me rolled out of me like the waters that flood the washes in spring.
A little while later, I wrote a eulogy for my dad.
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Carol: I'm glad you didn't/aren't beating yourself for being however self-absorbed your thought you were. We have to learn it somehow and we can't regret the timetable. If you need to borrow any stitcks for marking every five years, I have more than you, I'm guessing. . . I'd gladly share, just to get rid of a few.
ReplyDeleteG.G., I'm not so sure that you have more sticks than me. But it's very sweet of you to offer some of yours! I think that we have both earned the right to all of our sticks. They each hold many stories.
ReplyDeleteLots of stories! Besides, if you sharpen one end on each of two sticks, you know what you can do? Knit! Love my sticks!
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm... I should of thought of that when I was collecting sticks for this exercise. I bet I could have even come up with a Super Scarf pattern using knitted sage! Too bad it would have been the wrong color.
ReplyDelete