Mr. CFP and I were riding on these clear, beautiful slopes on something like a scooter on skis. There were other people doing the same. It was fun and exhilarating. Freeing.
We "skied" down slopes of translucence until we were on a flatter area, surrounded on three sides by glass-like cliffs. There were two ways out, as far as I could tell: to either try to go back up these slippery, vertical walls (impossible), or to go down a steep incline into a dark, unknown.
I don't know what I chose. Can't remember if I woke up or just bailed out of the dream.
As I think about it now, I think that my first inclination when things get hard or confusing often, but not always, is to take the leap into the unknown. So far, I have survived those jumps.
I am struck by the fact that, in this dream and many times in life, I didn't think of an option #3 - that someone might come along and give me a hand out of the situation. I seem to trust jumping into the abyss more than trusting that there is someone who may help me when I need it.
My "American West" mentality of "I can just do it myself"?
That way of thinking seems to bring isolation, lack of intimacy, and hardship where hardship isn't necessary.
Going for authenticity and vulnerability has not been one of my strong qualities, but lately I've been thinking that it truly cannot be more scary than jumping down a big, black hole.
"What do I mean by vulnerability? First of all, I call it 'radical vulnerability' because to allow vulnerability in yourself and others runs counter to deeply entrenched, negative perceptions in our culture where vulnerability is all but taboo. By vulnerability I mean a profound openness. Think of the word as a coin. On one side is the openness that exposes you to the potential of being harmed. On the other side is the openness that allows you to be receptive to a depth of connection to others and all their thoughts and emotions, their humanity.
When we let ourselves experience vulnerability in this second way we nurture the full range of our reactions and expressions to the world; all our yearnings, our needs, our shyness, our humility, our hope. This doesn't mean we walk around with our beating hearts in our hands. Rather it means that we are wise enough to embrace moments of openness in ourselves and in those around us when they offer opportunities to transform our lives and the lives of others."- Birute Regine EdD
This is the Scorpio archetype in astrology. Very powerful! I think your musings also get to the heart of Buddhist practice. The unfolding of this vulnerability and openness process can be facilitated so greatly by non-attachment. It's our attachments that get us into trouble because they create fear and all its manifestations of self-protection.
ReplyDeleteClearness and translucence are also very positive, desireable qualities. What a great dream! :)
I think the Amish have the right idea: when someone needs a barn, they throw a party and the community raises a barn. Everybody works hard, but nobody has to do it alone.
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting dream and what a great post - it has made me think a lot.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your card which arrived in the post yesterday - a lovely surprise and very much appreciated.
Carol: I don't know how I missed this post. I'm glad I came back and scrolled down far enough. Very interesting. Not my strong quality, either, sadly. But have moments that give me hope for improvement. Interesting post!
ReplyDeleteCarol, what a powerful dream! The "up by the bootstraps" myth is a myth, isn't it? It feels to me that the effortless exhilaration your dreaming self experienced while riding on these majestic slopes is significant. There's more than one way to scale a slippery slope. Sometimes there's a daredevil risky ride to the top, which is all the more joyous when shared with another.
ReplyDeleteOne of the primary lessons they tried to teach us in seminary was "vulnerability." As you wrote, Carol, it isn't an easy lesson to learn. Yet, each time the professors pointed it out to us, in Scripture, prayer, and story, it became a bit more clear that in every aspect of life we are vulterable. Therefore, our being really depends upon others if we are to live.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post, my dear friend; you have reminded me of those lessons that are too easily forgotton.