The Visit

I don't think of her so often anymore.

But a few days ago, as I walked into the dark front hallway, I had the thought, "Look out for Kitty so you don't step on her." Then I remembered.

Last night she visited me in my dream. I needed to protect her from other animals. I needed to call to her to lure her away from danger. I had the thought that if I told her in a firm to voice to come, she may not do it, but if I called to her sweetly, she would probably come.

So, even though the situation seemed rather urgent, I sang out, "Come here, sweet kitty, kitty."

And she came to me and she purred and we loved on each other like we used to do, rubbing noses together in total love.

Awwww, my sweet kitty.

I don't think of myself as being a person who asks for things in a demanding or authoritative way, but today I will pay extra attention to making any requests with kindness and with a heart as big as this heart feels when I think of Ms. Kitty.

The Year of No Leaves

This has been quite a summer so far. Three weeks ago today, our neighbor died suddenly. A week and a half later, the storms destroyed trees and gardens and roofs. A week ago, the wife of one of my clients from when I had my massage practice died. We attended her Celebration of Life this past Monday. This morning at 6:00, we had to take Ms. Kitty in to the vet's so that she could melt into the one-ness of all. She was struggling to breathe and we couldn't let her suffer. We drove home afterward in the cloudy early morning and I was struck even more deeply at how, since the storm, there are no leaves on the trees. They were all pelted off or torn ragged. Even with the above average rainfall that has caused the grasses to be greener than usual for July, the trees are barren and brown.

I have never held a living thing as the life ran out. What an amazing moment.

God, she was a sweet kitty.

Yes

"Say yes to difficulties; they are not obstacles on the path; they are the path."
- Ezra Bayda

I frequently say that the Buddha dog is my teacher. Through example he teaches me acceptance, joy, and love.

Somehow I have failed to give teaching credentials to Ms. Kitty. Until now. Ms. Kitty, who turned 20 in March, is a master teacher and I am just now realizing that.

I don't know if Buddha harmed Ms. Kitty Saturday night. There were no witnesses. Buddha has been known to suddenly decide that he's the herder, lunging at a kitty that he thinks needs to be going a different direction, but he's never hurt her. Saturday night, there was a sound. I don't know what the sound was. I do know that Ms. Kitty's hind end didn't look quite right afterward. She was already getting weaker in the hind end and she suddenly looked worse. She wouldn't climb up into her favorite chair - the one she sleeps on 22/7.

Since then, Ms. Kitty has taken to sleeping on a rug in Mr. Carol For Peace's office. This is new. She knows that she can no longer get on her chair and she's not even trying to do it anymore.

Still, she purrs anytime we get near her or hold her.

She NEVER complains about anything. NEVER.

She is pure love, sweetness and acceptance.

She knows no obstacles. When the hind end fails, sleep on the rug on the floor. No comment, just do what's there.

She is melting.

And so is my heart.

The sudden death of our neighbor, the deterioration of my dad's mind and health, Kitty melting away. My heart is not only melting, it's breaking.

And this is the path. None of it is an obstacle. Walking right into it and seeing how natural, how beautiful - it is ALL the path.

I'm so grateful to be here for this.

Birth

I have these little Angel cards in a bowl on my desk. I haven't looked at them for a long time, but recently, I've felt like picking one out of the bowl and sitting with it.

Today's card is "Birth", which is kind of fitting since two days ago was my daughter's 30th birthday and sometime this month (we don't know the exact day) is Ms. Kitty's 20th birthday.

Here was a star danced, and under that I was born.
William Shakespeare

My daughter - a little, bitty person with a big, big tree. ;-)

My daughter is a beautiful young woman who celebrated her 30th birthday at Disney World (that is so like her!). She is overly-responsible, but she has a charming, child-like quality that I hope lasts a long time. She is my first child. I knew her before she was born - through dreams and, well, just the knowing that a mother can have.

Today my daughter found out that a woman who is very special to her was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and is not expected to live long. My young'un hasn't had to face such things in her life, yet. In fact, up until now, she has done whatever she could to avoid facing them. But I know that this time she will walk into the fire, bringing love with her. I'm very proud of her for that.

Ms. Kitty. Isn't she a cutie?

I just Googled to find a cat age conversion chart. The one I found only goes to 20, but I'm not telling Ms. Kitty that. According to the chart, Ms. Kitty is 96 years old. Next year, I'm figuring that she'll be 100 in human years. I'll have to write Prez Obama then, so that he can send her a congratulatory letter.

Ms. Kitty is doing pretty well for such an elder. She has recently lost her voice, so she walks up to me and mimes a "meow" when she wants to be picked up. She seems happy and she purrs whenever anyone pays any attention to her.

I hope that I age as gracefully as my cat.

And I also hope that my breath smells better. Whew! This kitty has breath that wilts the house plants!