That's a quote my next-door neighbor would say as we shared our shoulder ailments with each other. He was a wonderful nurse at a local hospital who had a very good - and dry - sense of humor. Today he died. He didn't get sick and he didn't get old. He followed his own advice.
J was in his 50s. He was in excellent shape. Every year, he rode the Ride the Rockies race - a six day, 300+ mile bicycle ride through the mountains. He worked nights helping really sick people, slept mornings, and in the afternoons he was out working in his yard before he fixed dinner for his wife and mother-in-law.
Even though he slept during the day, he always kept the phone turned on. I woke him up one day, thinking that his phone would be off and I would just be leaving a message. After I apologized profusely, he let me know that he wasn't bothered; after all, he could go back to sleep. He said that he wanted to be able to answer the phone if his college-aged offspring ever needed him.
Yesterday, riding alone down the road on Lookout Mountain, with its steep, hairpin curves, his front tire blew and he crashed.
Death is so strange. Well, it's probably really not strange. I mean, it's one of the most normal things there is. My mind, though, has a hard time wrapping itself around a sudden death like this. I don't think that all of me believes it yet. J and I just waved from our backyards the day before he died. We will do that again soon, right?
Mr. Carol For Peace and I were planning to have J and his wife over for dinner this summer. We didn't - and now it won't happen. At least not the way it would have.
A part of me wants to say "Cherish every moment." "Don't put off having friends over for dinner, because you never know..." "Make the phone calls." "Say 'I love you.'"
But you know what??? We all do what we can. We can't do everything and take care of everybody. We can't control the world. (Obviously)
It truly is what it is.
For some reason tonight, more than ever before, I know that I - or Mr. Carol For Peace - could walk out the door tomorrow and never come back. Wow...
Thursday, July 9, 2009
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10 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. It sounds like he died doing something he loved, which is exactly how he would have wanted it, don't you think? That, in itself, is a blessing.
Amy
Sorry to hear about your neighbour and friend. As Amy said, he died in a place he loved.
Any one of us could be gone in a heartbeat but what you said is so true:-
"We all do what we can. We can't do everything and take care of everybody."
Amy,
You are right. His death was really perfect for him. Doing what he loved and dying without suffering.
My brain is still working on accepting that he is not on his way home from work this morning.
Thank you, Dancing.
This dying in a heartbeat thing: sometimes it just seems like a fact in my head and I function as if everyone I know will always be here. Today the truth of it is more real. I wonder if soon it will again just be a fact in my head.
I am sorry for your loss.
Thirteen years ago I lost my fiance suddenly and unexpectedly. My girlfriend lost her husband last year suddenly and unexpectedly. I think that's why we are so compatible- we both know the importance of RIGHT NOW.
Wow. Thomas.
Along the way somewhere I had picked up that you had once had a fiance who had died - and I thought THAT was hard enough, but to have her die suddenly... I can only imagine what that must be like.
I am SOOOOOO HAPPY that you and your girlfriend have found each other.
Yeah. Thinking about it puts a smile on my face.
I'm sorry to hear of your loss, Carol. I'll write more later: I have a cat between me & keyboard.
Thank you, Nick.
Indigo Incarnates
I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you, Indigo.
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