An Exclusive Memorial

I am remembering the Columbine shootings that happened ten years ago this Monday. Columbine High School is about 25 minutes away from where I live. I didn't know that the shootings had occurred that day until my son came home from his High School and told me. I turned on the television and, as with the events of 9/11, I ended up watching heart-wrenching scenes replayed over and over. For some reason, we find a need to take an event that happens once and replay it - on the television and in our minds. Over and over. Our bodies and minds get to experience the fear and sadness anew each time. The only people that experience the tragedy once are those who perish from the event.

Yesterday, I heard a radio interview with Columbine's principal. He is the same principal that was there when the shootings took place. He spoke of the memorial that has been displayed in the school ever since it was remodeled following the attacks. It acknowledges the THIRTEEN people who died that day. A light shines on it 24/7. Sir, there were FIFTEEN that died that day. All of them were Columbine students or staff. The principal never mentioned the other two in his interview - the two that were suffering so much that they found it necessary to terrorize a school and kill themselves.

After the event ten years ago, many spontaneous makeshift memorials were put up. On a hill were placed 15 crosses in memory of the FIFTEEN that died. It didn't take long before someone who only values certain lives took down two of them. Now, there is a permanent memorial in a park near the school. It is a tribute to THIRTEEN of those who died that day.

Since that day in 1999, people have memorialized the "innocent" teens, telling of their lives and families as if they were some of the most stellar people that have lived. That is what happens when people die - we honor them and tend to overlook any weaknesses and faults. Maybe it's right that we do that, I don't know.

But were the other two not ever innocent youngsters, curious about the world? Did they not have families and friends who loved them? Did they never do anything good for another person or visit their grandmothers or go fishing with their dads? We have reduced their lives to a single, horrible act.

I can't guess at all of the possible reasons that Eric and Dylan did what they did. Maybe they had chemical imbalances. Maybe they were treated like crap and couldn't take it anymore. It's possible that they had bad parenting. Or maybe there is such a thing as just being a "bad" person. There are a lot of us that have these issues and we don't take out a bunch of people, so who will ever know what led to their act?

Maybe a contributing factor is that our culture tends to see the world in black and white. If you are lucky enough to be considered "white" (not necessarily talking about race here), you are seen and if you are "black" (still not entirely speaking of race), you are invisible and your life and death don't count.

I think that we all co-conspire in creating such events because we can't even open our hearts and include those who are angry and hurting so much that, at 18, they feel their lives aren't worth living.

Does shunning those who already feel alienated help them to be the people we want them to be?

On Monday, there will be a remembrance for the THIRTEEN that died. Those thirteen will be lovingly remembered, and that is right. Today, I remember the other two - the two that are left out once again - along with their families. They should also be lovingly remembered.

I want my heart to be open and loving. It's too painful to hold hate. I hope that Eric, Dylan, and their families have found peace.