Mom was all watery on Sunday when we went over there. She was fixated on a sad dream. At first, I tried to be logical. Kind of stupid to do that at that moment, and I'm sorry for that. I finally realized that there was absolutely nothing that I could do except to be there. So I shut up. I sat and looked at my mom and felt compassion for how hard this is for her. People aren't used to having others shut up. I think Mom thought I should be saying something, but there was nothing to say.
Actually, contrary to my perceived need to say something to my mom while she was all upset, I have not had a lot to say lately. I kind of find this baffling, but I mostly like it.
When I left for my last retreat, I felt so full of noise, I thought that if I never heard another conversation again, it would be fine. More than fine. That's why I needed five days of silence. I was full and needed to be emptied.
Empty is good. It feels spacious. There's room for wondering and not knowing, for spontaneity and magic.
Lovely post. Full of good things to think about. But I think silence with someone can be a huged gift! GG
ReplyDeleteI agree that silence with someone can be a gift, G.G. And I want to give more of those gifts (when they are called for). :-)
ReplyDeleteI think just being able to be there is a comfort and a blessing. I remember my mothers ongoing grief after my brother passed. Eventually words left me too.
ReplyDeletex x x
When I look at the hard times in my own life, I don't remember what was said, I just know who was there and who wasn't.
ReplyDeleteYou were there. Nothing else matters.
Diana, the grief of a mother is so huge. And you had your own grief. What tender times.
ReplyDeleteYou are right that "being there" is a comfort and a blessing. We can't take any of the grief away.
Good point, Thomas. I don't remember anything anyone ever said during hard times in my life, either.
ReplyDeleteShowing up is enough.
It was enough that you were there, trust me. My father-in-law is going through the grief process now, as his bride of 61 years passed away this last April. He's not doing well. We try to just "be" with him when we can (he lives 70 miles away). Sometimes he talks and others, he just seems to enjoy the company. It's been quite a fascinating time in some aspects and in others, absolutely heartbreaking.
ReplyDeletePeace & love to your mom (and you)
I'm so glad that you can "be" with your father-in-law, Amy. I can't imagine what it's like to be without a best friend after 61 years.
ReplyDeletePeace & love to you!