Sunday, January 1, 2012
Wildnerness Quest 2011 - Part 12
It was the last day of my solo. Three days of (mostly) being alone in the desert. I didn't know that this quest would be so filled with my dad's presence. I had intended to "just be" with the moment, the sun, the sand, and anything else that appeared. When I had set my intention, I didn't know that it would mean "just being" with my dad.
At this point, I had done a life review in which I realized how focused on myeslf I had been while growing up - passing up the opportunity to also be aware of the experiences of my parents. On the second day of my solo, I had written an obituary for my dad, and I had midwifed him into death. Earlier on this third day, I had taken a long walk with Dad, and we learned a lot about each other.
Now it was time for the funeral. But it wasn't a funeral. It was a stunningly poignant wedding.
In preparation, I washed my hair for the first time in five days and I applied lavender lotion to my skin. I gathered sage, putting a bunch in my breast pocket - as close to a corsage as I could get. I tore pieces of sage into bits and stowed them in my pocket for distributing along the aisle as many people do with church weddings.
The wedding was held in the wash that ran along my camp.
Here is what I wrote after the event:
I just returned from my dad's wedding. It was beautiful.
I walked up the aisle, dropping bits of sage while John Denver's song, The Eagle and the Hawk, floated through the air. I stood with my dad as he awaited his bride (Death). He was so handsome in his suit - he looked as he did when he was about 30. The bride was gorgeous with a long, flowing white dress and beautiful, golden hair. The minister told my dad there are no rules, no "sickness and health". Only Freedom, Oneness, Wholeness, Eternity. The minister asked the bride if she would take my dad to Freedom, Oneness and No More Sickness.
As they went back down the aisle together, I yelled, "Goodbye!" to Dad, knowing that I won't see him again, yet I see him everywhere. I went to the canyon edge and threw sage at the bride and groom as they became the blue sky.
"Goodbye, Daddy. I love you. You were a good daddy."
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