Uncurling My Toenails

On the way to my retreat, I got to face, in a most uncomfortable way, the impatience that resides within my personality.

For some reason, when I travel - unless I'm on a road trip with no determined time-frame to arrive at any destination - I just want to get from point A to point B with as little stopping along the way as possible. This is especially true when I'm itching to get from the city to my little cabin in the valley. Talk about not living in the moment!

I had two passengers, Mr. and Mrs. FunPeople, with me as we traveled to Retreatsville. First they wanted to stop for supplies before we left town; then 30 minutes later we stopped at a little store beside the highway so that Mr. FunPeople could get internet connection for his laptop; then an hour later, the hubby wanted to pull over to have a phone conversation at a point where reception was good. And another hour later, they needed a CHEESEBURGER stop! I was really trying to be a laid-back good sport, but by the time we hit the cheeseburger place, my toenails were beginning to curl.

As I sat in the truck, on a beautiful Colorado mountain day, I remembered some of the teachings that were the reason I was going to Retreatsville. I remembered that all there is is this very moment - right here, right now. And even this moment has no stability, because it is already gone and now there is only THIS moment. All along the highway, I had been pushing for a future when I would "be there".

With that realization, I let go and arrived where I was.

And I felt the cool, clean mountain air that I so love.

Chop Wood...

OK. I was spoiled. I didn't have to chop wood during my almost-heaven retreat. And I didn't have to carry water, either. But I did need to build an early morning fire a couple of days and I tried to live each moment with simplicity and "in-the-momentness".

Do you know how much space is in the day? I mean, really, do you KNOW how much space is in the day?

An example of my days on retreat:

Awaken
Bathroom stuff
Drink tea while watching the light take over the sky
Cook oatmeal
Eat
Sit and watch the light that took over the sky
Take a walk
Sit some more, read
Eat
Sit and read or think or pray or watch the wind - for a very long time
Nap
Sit - maybe listen to Ram Dass or Peter Fenner
Eat
Watch the sun color the western sky
Watch the big, dark, star-filled sky
Read or think or pray
More bathroom stuff (did you ever notice how much time is spent bathrooming?)
Go to bed and listen for coyotes
Sleep

The days were long and delicious.

The days ARE long and delicious.

Days are timeless when we live simply and we're present in each moment - when we put down the doing and relax into the being.

"Time is what keeps light from reaching us. There is no greater obstacle to God than time." - Meister Eckhart

Who is the painter that created this magical work of art?

Home Again and UnRetreated?

On my retreat, I did a lot of reflecting on the nature of things.
Here is my reflection in the window of my little cabin.

Ahhhhhh.....

"I cry, Love! Love! Love! happy happy Love! free as the mountain wind!"
- William Blake

It's That Time Again

Last year about this time, I was on retreat in one of the most beautiful places on earth.

Thursday, I leave to spend a week there again - among the mountains, deer, and coyotes.

Here is what I'll be looking at for the next week:


To my east:


To the south:


Right in front of me:

I'll have no computer or phone. Just solar heat and a wood stove. (OK. There will be electricity and running water, so I'm not totally roughing it.)

And quiet. A lot of quiet.

Adios!

What's Inside

My dad will turn 89 in a couple of months. The changes in him have been very noticeable since his heart surgery the day before he turned 85.

All of my life, my dad has said the same blessing at the dinner table. It has always been meaningless to me; so much so, that if I were asked to repeat it, even after hearing it hundreds of times now, I wouldn't be able to do it. My inability to make meaning of this blessing says more about me than it does about the blessing or my father. I'm sure there is some beauty and meaning in the words that would do me good.

Last night, we had dinner with my parents. When it came time for it, my dad could no longer remember the blessing that has worn a groove in his mind. He had to wing it.

It was beautiful.

First Color of 2009

I was thinking that things were showing their pretty little heads a little too early, but looking back at posts a year ago (on MY OTHER blog), I see that the budlets and crocuses out in my yard are only appearing a week earlier than last year.



Hooray for Spring!!!

Birth

I have these little Angel cards in a bowl on my desk. I haven't looked at them for a long time, but recently, I've felt like picking one out of the bowl and sitting with it.

Today's card is "Birth", which is kind of fitting since two days ago was my daughter's 30th birthday and sometime this month (we don't know the exact day) is Ms. Kitty's 20th birthday.

Here was a star danced, and under that I was born.
William Shakespeare

My daughter - a little, bitty person with a big, big tree. ;-)

My daughter is a beautiful young woman who celebrated her 30th birthday at Disney World (that is so like her!). She is overly-responsible, but she has a charming, child-like quality that I hope lasts a long time. She is my first child. I knew her before she was born - through dreams and, well, just the knowing that a mother can have.

Today my daughter found out that a woman who is very special to her was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and is not expected to live long. My young'un hasn't had to face such things in her life, yet. In fact, up until now, she has done whatever she could to avoid facing them. But I know that this time she will walk into the fire, bringing love with her. I'm very proud of her for that.

Ms. Kitty. Isn't she a cutie?

I just Googled to find a cat age conversion chart. The one I found only goes to 20, but I'm not telling Ms. Kitty that. According to the chart, Ms. Kitty is 96 years old. Next year, I'm figuring that she'll be 100 in human years. I'll have to write Prez Obama then, so that he can send her a congratulatory letter.

Ms. Kitty is doing pretty well for such an elder. She has recently lost her voice, so she walks up to me and mimes a "meow" when she wants to be picked up. She seems happy and she purrs whenever anyone pays any attention to her.

I hope that I age as gracefully as my cat.

And I also hope that my breath smells better. Whew! This kitty has breath that wilts the house plants!

International Women's Day

Did you know that today is International Women's Day? It's not very well publicized, is it?

According to this article:

"The theme of this year's International Women's Day is 'women and men united to end violence against women and girls.'

"UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon said this week one woman in five around the globe has been a victim of rape or attempted rape, and that in some countries one woman in three has been beaten or subjected to some kind of violent act."

I also read that only 1 in 4 members of governments and parliaments are women. We females are half of the population, but we are severely under-represented.

Today I am grateful for my strong sisters around the globe and for my brothers who have the strength to recognize that power is not in overpowering, but in working together in respect. I appreciate my Women in Black sisters who are committed to standing as witnesses for peace through all types of weather, who wave with a smile at people yelling profanities, and who are hard-headed (in a good sense) and soft-hearted.




(This is the song that Mr. Carol For Peace chose for me for our wedding. Do you think he got what he was looking for?)

Lands That Feed The Soul

See that photo on the banner of this blog? I took that at a retreat on Whidbey Island off Seattle. I will be going there again a couple of times this year. It's such a beautiful area.

I really enjoy visiting lush, juicy, green places like Whidbey where things can't help but to grow abundantly.

But you notice that I say that I like to visit them. I am most at home where it's dry. I don't know why. Maybe my wiring is tangled up or something, but I feel claustrophobic when there is too much air, too much moisture, too much forest and moss. In places like that, I feel slow and moldy. I need the open prairie or the Rocky Mountains or the desert in order to feel like I'm home; in order to breathe and experience spaciousness.

And I'll willingly accept the wrinkles and dry skin that come with living in this land of little humidity.

(We have had so little moisture here so far this winter that I'm hoping I don't reach the point at which I've had too much of a good thing!)

How about you? Are you a lover of moist and mossy or a connoisseur of the dry, open spaces?