To Nick, Wherever You Are

Sometimes Saintly Nick
(who I would link to, but for some reason, I'm not being allowed to right now)

I don't remember the first time I visited your blog. What I do know is that I hadn't been visiting too long before it was time for me to have shoulder surgery. I was a little scared of going under the anesthetic for surgery and the pain and therapy that would follow. You contacted me through my blog and sent me good wishes. Then you wrote a post about my upcoming surgery and asked people to pray for me. That was so dear that I opened myself up to a friendship with you that has been growing over the last year plus.

You have been my faithful, caring friend who I could count on for a comment on my blog and for our regular email conversations.

On July 30th, our dear Ms Kitty died. After Kitty left this world, I sent you a short email to let you know I would reply to your email later because I was sad and not in the mood to write. You replied:

Carol,

OK. I hurt for you -- and myself.

Love and more.

Nick & Alex

I haven't heard from you since.

You haven't blogged since that day. You haven't posted on Facebook since that day. You haven't answered my email or phone calls.

I don't know where you are. Are you sick? Have you left this world?

I don't know where Ms Kitty is, either, but I at least know what happened to her body.

Wherever you are, may you be at peace. May you know the love that surrounds you and is you. May all of the kindness that came through you to others be returned to you in any way that you need.

I miss Ms Kitty. I miss you. And still, all of the love that was ever here is still here. I have learned that it doesn't go away, no matter what.

I hope to hear from you again, Nick. Peace and Love to you.

Living Here Now

Once again, Byron Katie has helped me to see how my thinking has taken me to an imagined future while things are actually fine this very moment.

Sometimes (almost always) I need to be hit over the head over and over in order for things to sink in.

Last night I read a blog post of Katie's where she helped a woman inquire into her thought processes about her worry over her brothers in Iran. (You can read it here.) Through that line of questioning, I realized that I have images of Ms. Kitty's future that are just that - only images. I don't know what will happen after this moment, but I do know that right now, Ms. Kitty is a happy, sweet, loving kitty. If I put myself into the future, I can't be present with the beauty of what is right now. With me projecting my fears of the future, Ms. Kitty and I miss the love we can share while we're here together.

Ms. Kitty Today

(I just heard Mr. Carol For Peace in the next room saying "Nice little kitty. Such a sweet girl.")

I think I'll go now and just feel the love in this house.

I hope you can feel the love wherever you are, too.