Things I Would Have Said

Last night, instead of partying or going out to a fancy dinner for New Year's Eve, over a hundred of us gathered in a local Unitarian Universalist church for a vigil in solidarity with the Gaza Freedom March and the people of Gaza. We listened to a speaker, some poets, and a musician. Instead of paying for alcohol to deaden our entry into the new year, we put our money together for aid to Gazans.

I was asked to say a little something at the close of the vigil. Below is what I thought I was going to say - until I changed my mind a few hours before the vigil. I dropped it all when I realized that I am not meant to say words that I have prepared. I can read something (which I didn't want to do) or I can just speak what comes up out of me, but if I want to say something, sans notes, that I've prepared, I will mess up big time.

So instead of telling the lovely story that I had prepared, I winged it last night. I said that the thousands in Gaza and Egypt who were bringing light to the situation in Gaza, the HUGE blue moon, and the people sitting there before me on New Year's Eve all gave me hope.

Here is the story that I didn't tell. I think it's a story worth sharing:

Starhawk is an American writer and activist who is in Cairo now as a part of the Gaza Freedom March. She tells of an experience that I think is a demonstration of the way to peace. She found herself in front of a line of Egyptian police officers who were standing arm in arm to block the marchers from moving. Before her trip, she had learned a few Arabic words, including the numbers one to ten. As she stood before the cops, she held up one finger and said the Arabic word for "one". The officer in front of her made eye contact and smiled. Soon, he and other officers along the line were teaching and encouraging Starhawk until she had counted to 100 in Arabic. She said that they changed from scary potential torturers to "men who were gazing at her with fond, paternal eyes like a father looks at a promising child. They became sweet young men doing a job that wasn't really their choice to begin with."

Starhawk built a bridge between the label "Egyptian cop" and the reality of "just another human".

Tonight on this last night of the year, the night of the blue moon, may peace come through our remembering that separateness is only an illusion.


(Photo from WorldBulletin.net)

This would be day three of my Cairo experience if had gone on my trip. I would be surrounded by people from all over the world, along with Egyptian police officers about now. I had planned on interacting with many of the over 1300 people from around the world, but I hadn't planned on the police officer part.

Now that everyone has arrived in Cairo, Egypt has stated that no one is getting into Gaza. There are checkpoints along the road to the border so that anyone attempting to get through will be stopped. Permits for events to be held in Cairo have been reneged on by the government.

So the marchers are not allowed near the border with Gaza, and they are blocked by police whenever they attempt any kind of event or demonstration in Cairo.

What is left to do?

Well, tourism is always an option.

Or people can respond in order to put pressure on the Egyptian government and to bring attention to the situation.

Some activists, including 85-year-old Holocaust survivor, Hedy Epstein, are participating in hunger strikes.


Hedy says that she has never done this before, so she doesn't know how her body will respond. Still, she will do "whatever it takes".

For her sake and for the sake of the marchers and the Palestinians, I hope her actions are effective.

We don't want to see the headline, Woman survives holocaust, but dies trying to prevent more ethnic killing.

Now, at the one year anniversary of the war on Gaza, I'm finally seeing some significant news coverage of the horrific conditions of that area. Thanks to those who trekked to Cairo with hopes of marching in solidarity with the people of Gaza, the world will no longer be able to pretend it doesn't know.

The Price of Identity

I guess I had my own little Israel/Gaza thing going there for awhile.

As I prepared for my trip, I was "she who was going to be going to Gaza". I definitely had an identity around that. Not saying that is bad. It's just what was going on. I was excited because I had never done anything like that before. I had a lot of planning to do, so it was on my mind most of the time. And I also had some identity of being an activist who was going to bring awareness to a wrong in the world.

Then everything changed and I was no longer "she who was going to Gaza". I became "she who is sad and disappointed about not going to Gaza". Except when distracted by something else, THAT was on my mind most of the time.

I finally sat down and looked at myself, asking some good questions and waiting for the answers (I use Byron Katie's "The Work" frequently in order to question my thoughts). What a relief! I'm not kidding.

I am free!

When holding on to our identities as "she who is going to Gaza" or "he who has is a member of the 'Chosen Ones'" or "she who has been victimized by...", we can be at war with each other and ourselves, and we are definitely at war with the truth. The truth is that we are so much more than any of the identities that we choose to claim as ours.

Isn't it more enjoyable (and less harmful) to just be free?

Can We Find Some Kindness Toward the Suffering?

Excerpt From Jimmy Carter's article in yesterday's Guardian/UK:

Gaza must be rebuilt now

Of more immediate concern, those under siege in Gaza face another winter of intense personal suffering. I visited Gaza after the devastating January war and observed homeless people huddling in makeshift tents, under plastic sheets, or in caves dug into the debris of their former homes. Despite offers by Palestinian leaders and international agencies to guarantee no use of imported materials for even defensive military purposes, cement, lumber, and panes of glass are not being permitted to pass entry points into Gaza. The US and other nations have accepted this abhorrent situation without forceful corrective action.

I have discussed ways to assist the citizens of Gaza with a number of Arab and European leaders and their common response is that the Israeli blockade makes any assistance impossible. Donors point out that they have provided enormous aid funds to build schools, hospitals and factories, only to see them destroyed in a few hours by precision bombs and missiles. Without international guarantees, why risk similar losses in the future?

It is time to face the fact that, for the past 30 years, no one nation has been able or willing to break the impasse and induce the disputing parties to comply with international law. We cannot wait any longer. Israel has long argued that it cannot negotiate with terrorists, yet has had an entire year without terrorism and still could not negotiate. President Obama has promised active involvement of the US government, but no formal peace talks have begun and no comprehensive framework for peace has been proposed. Individually and collectively, the world powers must act.

One recent glimmer of life has been the 8 December decision of EU foreign ministers to restate the long-standing basic requirements for peace commonly accepted within the international community, including that Israel's pre-1967 boundaries will prevail unless modified by a negotiated agreement with the Palestinians. A week later the new EU foreign policy chief, Baroness Catherine Ashton, reiterated this statement in even stronger terms and called for the international Quartet to be "reinvigorated". This is a promising prospect.

President Obama was right to insist on a two-state solution and a complete settlement freeze as the basis for negotiations. Since Israel has rejected the freeze and the Palestinians won't negotiate without it, a logical step is for all Quartet members (the US, EU, Russia and UN) to support the Obama proposal by declaring any further expansion of settlements illegal and refusing to veto UN security council decisions to condemn such settlements. This might restrain Israel and also bring Palestinians to the negotiating table.

At the same time, the Quartet should join with Turkey and invite Syria and Israel to negotiate a solution to the Golan Heights dispute.

Without ascribing blame to any of the disputing parties, the Quartet also should begin rebuilding Gaza by organising relief efforts under the supervision of an active special envoy, overseeing a ceasefire between Israel and Hamas, and mediating an opening of the crossings. The cries of homeless and freezing people demand immediate relief.

This is a time for bold action, and the season for forgiveness, reconciliation and peace.

May it be so.

After a Steamy Night

Got ya all excited, eh?


(Sung to my favorite Christmas song, O Holy Night)


O! Holy Night!
The night I realized I'm hor-monnnnn-al
They warned me not to cut down at this time.

The source of the tears
besides from disappointtttt-ment
could be from robbing my body of its fix.

A little pill
plus my friend so rudely changing
is nothing like the pain in Palestine.

Count my blessings!
I have so many friendships!
The power to see this
in love is mine today.

The power to see all this
in love is miiiiii-ine today!

The 12 Days Before Gaza: NOT

Zen Student: "When times of great difficulty visit us, how should we greet them?"

Teacher: "Welcome."

A couple of days ago, I bought the recent issue of the Shambala Sun magazine to take with me on my trip to Gaza. I do better reading short articles while flying. My attention just doesn't last long enough for reading books. Too much distraction.

Today, I am not going to Gaza. I got up and found the magazine I was going to take. Now I don't have to wait to read it. I opened to an article titled It Would Be a Pity to Waste a Good Crisis by Zen teacher John Tarrant. The article began with the quote above.

My story began more than three months ago when a woman invited me to go with her and her husband to Gaza to participate in the Gaza Freedom March. The beginning of the end of the story occurred a few days ago when that woman suddenly pulled out of the trip. That event sent a ripple out which created within me two days of intense soul-searching. It all culminated when, last night, her husband decided that he, too, was not going to Gaza at this time. I could still go. Everything is paid for, there are others from Colorado going and there would be over 1300 new friends to be made. Plus I would see a part of the world I have never seen and I would participate in the Gaza Freedom March in order to bring more awareness to the imprisoning of Palestinians in Gaza. The soul searching, though, brought about a different answer. The trip is over.

My trip was about wrestling with excitement, disappointment, anger, feelings of betrayal, beautiful support, witnessing awesome people with varying intentions, fear, empowerment, learning, struggling for clarity, finding the wise adult within, understanding, forgiveness, total awe at life. It was a great show while it lasted.

Now, well, here I am!


Please remember the people of Gaza and all who are suffering because we have forgotten that "Inasmuch as ye did it to one of the least of these my brethren, ye did it to me."

The 12 Days Before Gaza: #6

There has come the time when the only "wise one" that I can lean on is inside me. No teacher, no parent, no friend has the answer.

Now the monkey bars are spaced too far apart and I can't keep holding on to the last one while grabbing the next one. It's time to trust the air between them.



Sorry to be so cryptic. There is nothing figured out, nothing definitive to write about. All the churning is going on inside me. In some ways, I'd say this is not a pretty place. But when I stand back, it is amazingly poignant, beautiful and honest. This may be the most honest place I have ever visited.

I thought this trip was mostly about finding myself, but I didn't realize that the finding would possibly happen before I left the house.

The 12 Days Before Gaza: #5

You don't really want to hear what I have to say today.

I can't write about what's going on while I'm in the midst of it, but after a little distance and perspective, I'll be back.

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. - Garrison Keillor

The 12 Days Before Gaza: #4

A trip doesn't begin the moment we board the plane. Not the moment we pack, either. This trip has been... well, a TRIP for a long time, with the planning, conference calls, emotional roller coasters, etc.

Last night we went to a party. A woman who is a member of the activist community always throws a big bash about this time every December. Her dinky house is filled with wonderful people who work for social justice. The house is so small and so crowded that when someone wants to walk from the living room to the kitchen, EVERYONE gets to move in order for that to happen. It's a dance. It's a microcosm of the macrocosm - one movement affects the whole.

At the party, a beautiful woman, an elder, who is maybe 80, encouraged me, supported me, applauded me, and empowered me regarding my trip. That is the work of our elders. That is who I want to be for those who come behind me.

In living life, we are meant to go out, to risk everything, to find that which is bigger than who we think we are.

~~~

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, circumstances may be changing for some of the people with whom I have planned to travel. Things may be shaking up a little. That has made me look inside to get clear about why I decided to go in the first place. What drives me? If it ends up that my reasons for going no longer exist, do I still go?

In the end, I have realized that it doesn't matter whether I go or not. Whatever I do, I will not change the world too much , but either way, one movement affects the whole. Let it be a dance.


Reminds me of a song..


LET IT BE A DANCE
by Ric Masten

Let it be a dance we do.
May I have this dance with you?
Through the good times
And the bad times, too,
Let it be a dance.

Let a dancing song be heard.
Play the music say the words,
Fill the sky with sailing birds.
Let it be a dance.
Let it be a dance.
Let it be a dance
Learn to follow, learn to lead,
Feel the rhythm, fill the need.
To reap the harvest, plant the seed.
And let it be a dance....Chorus.

Everybody turn and spin,
Let your body learn to bend,
and, like a willow with the wind,
Let it be a dance.
Let it be a dance.
Let it be a dance
A child is born, the old must die,
A time for joy, a time to cry.
Take it as it passes by.
And let it be a dance....Chorus.

Morning star comes out at night,
Without the dark there is no light.
If nothing's wrong, then nothing's right.
Let it be a dance.
Let it be a dance.
Let it be a dance
Let the sun shine, let it rain,
Share the laughter, bare the pain,
And round and round we go again.
Let it be a dance....Chorus.

The 12 Days Before Gaza: #2

On Christmas Day I will arrive in Egypt, a country that is building an impenetrable steel wall at the border with Gaza which will be 10-11km (6-7 miles) long and will extend 18 meters below the surface. According to the BBC,

"The Egyptians are being helped by American army engineers, who the BBC understands have designed the wall. The plan has been shrouded in secrecy, with no comment or confirmation from the Egyptian government."

From yesterday's Irish Times (whose article indicates that the Egyptians are now confirming the building of the wall):

Over the past year the number of tunnels has doubled from 750 to 1,500. They carry essential goods, household appliances, fuel, medicines, fertiliser, seeds, clothing, motorbikes, and even the occasional car.

If the flow of goods is impaired or interdicted, the 1.5 million Gazans would be reduced to reliance on the ration package containing flour, pulses and tea distributed by UN agencies.

Time Magazine recently ran an informative story about the importance of the underground tunnels between Gaza and Egypt. They are the lifelines for people who have been shut off from the rest of the world by the Israelis. From the article:

"There is only one economy — there's a tunnel economy," says John Ging, head of the U.N. Relief and Works Agency in the Gaza Strip. "You have zero exports and zero commercial imports through the [Israeli-controlled] crossing points. All that is allowed in is humanitarian aid and supplies ... In terms of economic activity, there is no economic activity other than the tunnel economy."

Ann Wright, retired US Army Reserve Colonel:

"The tunnels are the lifelines for Gaza since the international community agreed to a blockade of Gaza to collectively punish the citizens of Gaza for their having elected in Parliamentary elections in 2006 sufficient Hamas Parliamentarians that Hamas became the government of Gaza. The United States and other western countries have placed Hamas on the list of terrorist organizations.

The underground steel wall is intended to strengthen international governmental efforts to imprison and starve the people of Gaza into submission so they will throw out the Hamas government."

On Christmas Day I will be in Egypt. People in the U.S. will be celebrating the birth of the Prince of Peace while their tax dollars pay for bombs in Afghanistan, Iraq, Israel, and other places around the globe. Americans will wish for "peace on earth, goodwill toward men" while their country supports much suffering all over the world.

AND on Christmas Day, there will be peacemakers from all over the world traveling to Gaza to give voice to what is occurring there. There will be doctors and nurses in every country who will be tending to the illnesses and injuries of others. There will be people stopping to help the person in front of them because they see a need.

How does a heart hold all of this???







I Believe In Father Christmas

They said there'll be snow at christmas
They said there'll be peace on earth
But instead it just kept on raining
A veil of tears for the virgin's birth
I remember one christmas morning
A winters light and a distant choir
And the peal of a bell and that christmas tree smell
And their eyes full of tinsel and fire

They sold me a dream of christmas
They sold me a silent night
And they told me a fairy story
'till I believed in the israelite
And I believed in father christmas
And I looked at the sky with excited eyes
'till I woke with a yawn in the first light of dawn
And I saw him and through his disguise

I wish you a hopeful christmas
I wish you a brave new year
All anguish pain and sadness
Leave your heart and let your road be clear
They said there'll be snow at christmas
They said there'll be peace on earth
Hallelujah noel be it heaven or hell
The christmas you get you deserve

The 12 Days Before Gaza: #1

How did this all begin? It was a tiny seed and now the seed has grown into that huge tree. It's morphed into something not even similar to what it was when it began.

Months ago, my teachers told us they were going to Gaza and we were invited.

I have been invited to go to many places. I have said "no" many times. I don't like to fly for more than three hours. What was I thinking when I decided to go?

I definitely didn't know what I was getting into.

Going to Egypt and Gaza at Christmas time???

Doesn't win brownie points with the family. Doesn't help the busyness of the season to add trip planning, a gazillion conference calls, and calls to senators and representatives to the list of things to do.

And then there are those who express their fears about a trip like this. At first I was thinking,

"I don't need this!!! If you are afraid, be afraid, but don't share it with me. I need to go forth with confidence."

Now I have decided to interpret their doomsday concerns as meaning:

"I feel afraid when I think of going to that part of the world. I am a little afraid for you, because I care about you. I want to tell you to do what you can to be safe, but I already know that you are smart enough to do just that! So have fun!"

Through participating in the conference calls, I am humbled by the experience of so many of the people with whom I'll be traveling. MANY of them have worked extensively in the Middle East. Many have been to Gaza or the West Bank. (And they are still here to tell about it!) I will be traveling with seasoned Middle Eastern activists. I'm a part of the Interfaith group. I will be in the presence of a lot of wisdom. I want to soak it up!

I want to be changed by the experience. That is a loaded "want". Change can, at best, be fun. At worst, it can be debilitating.

But I can't afford a life unlived.





In other news...

Look at what my sister-in-law's family sent us today!



Our first holiday decoration for the year. And it's perfect.

Wishes of peace to you and all of the world.

Gaza: Join Me

Three weeks until I leave for Gaza for the Gaza Freedom March.





I hope that my heart can take it...



If you would like to help open the eyes of the world to what is going on in Gaza, please organize a solidarity action in your community to take place between December 27th and December 31st. For more information, click here (and be sure to check out the side navigation on the page for more details).

From the organizers:

The timing here is crucial. On December 27, 2008, Israel launched an attack on the Gaza Strip called Operation Cast Lead in which over 1400 Palestinians were killed, including as many as 300 children. In remembrance of these innocent civilians and to mark the fact that it has been one year since the Israeli assault began, some 1,000 people from around the world will join with 50,000 Palestinians in a massive nonviolent Gaza Freedom March on New Year's Eve, December 31, in Gaza. The International Coalition to End the Illegal Siege of Gaza is calling on us to coordinate local solidarity actions to raise awareness and media attention for the big March and the need to end the illegal blockade.

I will bring back photos of what I see. I will write and talk about what I see. But I need you to help me and the other marchers to let the world know that the blockade on Gaza must be lifted.

Thank you!

With My Own Eyes

"I made this film to satisfy my own curiosity about what was happening in the Gaza Strip since I found that it was very difficult to find information in the mainstream media and get a detailed look at what was going on, what people there were like, what they were thinking about." - James Longley, speaking about his film, Gaza Strip.

Like Longley, I am going to Gaza to see with my own eyes what life is like for the people there. I made my decision to travel there at the end of this year before I saw Longley's film. After watching it a couple of nights ago, I feel anger, fear, and a certain sadness. Gaza must be in worse shape than I had imagined.

I will be traveling with my teachers and many others at the end of the year. So far in my life, I have only been out of the continental U.S. while traveling to Mexico, Canada, and the Bahamas, so this is BIG for me!

I will write more about this as time goes on. In the meantime, there is much to do with the holidays, work and travel preparation.



The Gaza Strip is about 25 miles long and between 4 and 7.5 miles wide (139 square miles). That land holds 1.5 million Palestinians. 80% of the people there are living below the poverty line.

You can read Time Magazine's article, "In the Tunnels: Gaza's Underground Economy here.
Watch the video, The Tunnel Smugglers of the Gaza Strip here.