When my mom said that she wanted to be well now and it was only a couple of weeks after she had broken her shoulder, the wonderful orthopedic doctor said, "I understand." I have heard him say that so many times since then.
Mom wants to be 100% rehabbed NOW.
"I understand."
The doctor doesn't tell her why that's an irrational want and he doesn't say that she'll have to wait until such-and-such a date. He just says, "I understand."
And my mom thinks that he is a really good man.
He is!
Even though I admire that man's ability to just empathize without adding to, or subtracting from, the story presented him, and even though I would like to have his communication skills, I have yet to be able to let go of whatever need I have to be right or smart or impatient or argumentative myself. I have yet to say, "I understand" when my mom feels tired or sad or impatient about her health or about my dad.
I haven't said those two words once to my mom or to Mr. CfP or to my son or to my daughter or to anyone else.
Even though I can't think of anything that anyone needs more than someone to understand, I still can't get those two simple words into my head.
Maybe a tattoo on the back of my hand will help? Or better yet, on the back of my eyeballs?
I feel a little frustrated about this.
Oh, you understand?
Gee, thanks!
Carol: I'm not sure I know what to say - but yet I didn't want to go away unnoticed for having stopped here.
ReplyDeleteWe can't admit to understanding what we don't understand, so there's truth in your struggle. So don't be too hard on yourself for the frustration.
Not understanding something a person is going through isn't the same as not loving the person going through it. I'm sure you have enough love to help you get through the frustration.
Let the doctor understand. Some don't understand and never say it even when they do.
About that tatoo . . . skip the eyeballs. You'd only 'see' it when you're sleeping and you don't need to understand a darn thing then!
Thanks, G.G.,
ReplyDeleteBetween you and another friend, I really heard about how hard I'm being on myself.
I'm realizing that I'm not being real with my parents - I'm trying to be the strong, capable daughter who doesn't feel anything about all that's going on. I AM strong and capable, but not strong enough to keep going while holding in my feelings.
And don't worry about the eyeball tattoos. That would REALLY HURT! :-)
Thanks again for your caring comment.
Carol: I have them once in a while . . . caring moments. ;-)
ReplyDelete